


A Dose of KuroCrack

by rainbootae



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Everybody wants the Kuro-booty, Humor, Idiocy at its Finest, Like, M/M, Written by a seriously disturbed fucker, for a good laugh, seriously, which is me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbootae/pseuds/rainbootae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of random situations involving our favorite Phantom Sixth man. </p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Everybody running after the Kuro-booty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not so Absolute

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series I randomly came up with, both out of great boredom and great love for Kuroko no Basuke. 
> 
> Please excuse my shortcomings (such as grammar and misspells).
> 
> I do this for pure entertainment (and to feed my own peculiar desires) so... 
> 
> Anyway, please have fun.

The shuffling of shoes resonated in the open crowded grounds and the cheerful chatters expressed contained excitements through the past duration of spring break. The blossoming Sakura trees scattered its petals, adding color to the already lively image of Teiko High.

"Ah, please excuse me.." A boy with tantalizing blue locks and blue ocean eyes muttered under his breath as he picked up his fallen article of interest, dusting imaginary dirt off of it as he sighed for the second time.

The blond person who bumped into him didn't even bother to look back and was frantic. Wondering if he hit an imaginary wall or was being haunted by a wandering ghost, the thought visibly sent shivers to the boy and he proceeded to speed walk to the nearest group of people, yelling a noisy "Akashichiiii!" in the process.

"Again.."

Kuroko was well aware of his lack of presence but would occasionally forget his "special case". Sometimes he got tired of it, being forgotten during the daily roll call was one thing. Not to mention having to help himself in the counter because no one notices him, being pushed without knowledge and simply being forgotten is a real pain in the ass.

Some people would simply accept it as it is and try to make it to their advantage. He did it himself, cutting in line, pretending to have been present whenever he's late for meetings and leaving really awkward situations in the most unnoticed way possible, but all these privilege wouldn't make up for all the cookies he didn't got a taste of, having been forgotten during Cookie Day in his Nursery days.

Realizing that his soliloquy had taken up two paragraphs of this short story, he shrugged the thought of . He stared at the group of interesting people who happen to be associated with the idiot that came in contact with him. Kise, that's what he had overheard anyway, talked about what had transpired minutes ago to him, claiming that his beauty had caused confusion to the dwellers of the afterlife and thought he was an angel. Kise just earned an apathetic look from a titan with violet flowing hair.

"Kise-chin is an idiot."

"-But it's true!"

"Ryouta, you stop spouting nonsense or I triple your training menu."

"-Akashiiicchiiiiiii"

The said man just looked at Kuroko, to his surprise. He still had that amused expression he had awhile ago after hearing Kise's gibberish rants and deducted that the blond was an absolute bird-brain, but as Akashi looked at him, he returned to his usual expression and just stared back at him.

"Oi, where are you-" After following the said man's line of sight, the ganguro with midnight blue hair's voice got hitched in his throat. The girl was beautiful, although her hair was short and can be the cause for her to be mistaken for a dude, she had her dreamy blue eyes redeem her. Sure she might lack a little in the boob department, but he was prepared to absolutely overlook that. Soon enough, all of the members of that certain group were entranced by the "girl" Akashi was approaching, having varying thoughts.

" _I'm gonna make her love me and me only. I'm gonna become the light to her shadow.."_

" _She's so cute, I wanna crush her then eat her. Then marinade her..."_

" _Not to mention Oha-Asa said I have the greatest luck today. I believe I've found my lucky item for today..."_

" _Ahhhhh! She's so cute, I'm gonna make sure to be the perfect copy of her ideal boyfriend..."_

Akashi, despite his notably short stature, took long, powerful strides towards Kuroko. Kuroko, in his usually blunt demeanor just awaited for what was about to happen, somehow he felt a chill run down his spine as the red haired fellow nears him. He put his book in his bag to divert his attention for a little while and was surprised to see heterochromatic eyes stare down at him intensely after looking up.

"Ah...ahem.." After Kuroko faked a cough, those heterochomatic eyes widened for a bit, as if snapping out of a daze. Kuroko felt slightly relieved that he stopped the other from piercing through his soul and felt relaxed when the redheads's mouth tugged up in a charming smile.

"I apologize for that rude gesture, I was caught in a trance by those transfixing eyes of yours" his voice was apologetic, but there was a hint of something else. As if staring wasn't weird enough, the redhead grabbed his hands and kissed the top of it, earning a couple of protesting grunts from the other men.

" _Is he...flirting with me?!"_

Kuroko cleared his throat, clearly showing his discomfort. The redhead's authoritative air wasn't fazed and he kept Kuroko's hand in a tight grip. Seemingly unable to voice out his thought out of fear and surprise, he then listened to what the redhead had to say.

"I noticed awhile ago that my imbecile teammate-" he points an accusing finger at the blond"-has failed to notice your beautiful presence. I apologize for that matter and will make sure that he be punished accordingly." he radiated with the prince-like aura and gave a light bow to Kuroko.

" _What the balls (pun unintended) is happening?!"_

Finally mustering the courage, he slowly pulled his hand away. Realizing that he didn't know how to refer to the boy, he tried to reason with him.

"A-anno..Akashicchii-kun"

Then there was chaos. Clearly hearing the voice of a male escaping the the "beautiful princess" caused a ruckus within the group (which was mind boggling to Kuroko because what the ever loving fuck did he do?) but hearing the name of their emperor was too much to take. Finally noticing that the apple of their eyes bared the same uniform as them (pants and all), Akashi froze on the spot, Kise fainted, Aomine withered away, Murasakibara dropped his chips and Midorima's glasses cracked.

Their final thoughts were then somehow heard by the world.

" _Ah...I lost my appetite"_

" _Oha-Asa... Lied to me"_

" _I-I should stop reading those magazines..."_

" _I-I guess I should really stop reading those fanfics my fans give me..."_

" _H-how could this happen, I am absolute..."_

_!_

_The End_

_for now_


	2. I'm Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone from GoM finally admits his true colors. Rainbow colors. Only to find out that they were all gay as well, for a certain blue head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People come out in the weirdest ways possible.

"Mou...I can't take this anymore!" they watched as the yellow head pulled on a bunch of his own hair in a manner that looked like he was in the brink of insanity. Kise brooded even more when he didn't get the response that he needed and got disturbed stares instead.

Usually, they would give him apathetic tsks and offending remarks, but somehow, right now, the blond exerted a certain amount of intensity to his cliched statement.

"Ryouta, you're intervening with the flow of our training, this better be relevant," Akashi's heterochromatic eyes glinted with malice as he reached for the pair of scissors conveniently placed in his jacket, ready to kill.

The blond wasn't fazed by the lethal stare which mildly surprised the rest of the Generation of Miracles. The distant sounds of squeaking basketball shoes and dribbling filled the quiet atmosphere within the group.

Kise was fidgeting all over. His blonde hair was disheveled and his complexion blanched. He had to say it now or forever he'd have hold his peace. Aomine was the first one to speak.

"Spit it out blon-"

"I'M GAY!" Silence.

Silence. Silence.

Then a boisterous laughter. Aomine guffawed, Midorima held his glasses in place with his taped fingers as he shookinternally laughing, Murasakibara had a spark of life in his usually half-lidded eyes and gave a lopsided grin, and their captain was left unamused, as if he knew it from the start or simply wasn't pleased with what his underling said.

The phantom player was down with the flu and begrudgingly stayed at home, abiding by the strict command of their feared captain -not to mention the promised month worth of vanilla shakes. Too bad he cannot witness this very **unique** moment, not that Aomine would let him miss out on today's events.

"What an idiot," Aomine said in between chuckles, clutching his hurting stomach. Kise made a ruckus and whined like a child who just got robbed of his precious candy. Midorima quickly regained composure and Murasakibara ate his potato chips which magically appeared out of thin air.

Aomine's smile faltered in an instant as he felt a piercing pain on his cheeks, sure enough, blood was seeping out of it. This stopped Kise's annoying complaints.

"Daiki...Ryouta..."

They swallowed the lumps in their throats.

"We have no time for these kinds of jokes. Fifty laps around the campus. Now," and that was all that has to be said. Though Kise looked troubled and wanted to have a say in this, he just came to oblige. The two scampered out of the court and exited the gym in a blink of an eye. The remaining members of the group continued with their exhausting training.

* * *

 

After three hours of leg numbing sprints around the devastatingly enormous perimeters of Teiko, they finally met their quota and returned to the cool confines of their gym. They were famished, to say the least.

The third and second strings had long gone home, leaving the gym spacious and disturbingly quiet. Midorima was retaping his immaculate hands, beside him was Kuroko's picture, which was his questionable lucky item for the day. Murasakibara was engaged in a conversation with Akashi, seemingly discussing something about a new flavor of Maibou.

Kise and Aomine both fell dramatically onto the freshly mopped floors of their court with a thud, causing the three to look to their direction.

Aomine's foot unceremoniously kicked Kise in the face after shifting it to relieve it of pain. The latter quickly responded with an equally forceful kick, but was obviously intended. The two bickered in the floor, now covered by their buckets of sweat.

"Kise, Aomine have you not learned you lesson yet?" It was obviously a rhetorical question. Midorima then sighed and motioned to the fuming captain, the two gulped in fear.

"A-Akashicchii..W-we're sorry," the yellow head said, standing up in the process. Aomine did the same.

"Yeah, we're sorry..."

Akashi seemed pleased and remained silent. He gave a little nod, which meant forgiveness, but this was short-lived, for Kise quickly caused chaos after saying a single sentence.

"It's true that I'm gay...for Kurokocchi!"

Outside the gym, the staff and some students prayed as they passed the suddenly ominous structure. Scurrying as soon as they enter a ten meter proximity.

Murasakibara's half-lidded eyes sharpened, Midorima securely placed Kuroko's picture in his bag, Aomine looked pissed and Akashi had a sadistic smile plastered on his face as he retrieved the long forgotten scissors from the stabbed walls, still baring a little blood form this afternoon's happenings.

"Kuro-chin is obviously mine. He has to be, so our babies would be normal in terms of height," the giant violet-head started. This garnered no replies. Instead, Kise slapped his hands which had caused his vanilla ice cream to fall. The two started a childish glaring contest.

"Kuroko always has good fortune, I always provide him his lucky items. Our signs are compatible too. Not that I care, but I suppose it would be most logical that he stays with me," the green haired tsundere heard a 'Boo!' from Kise.

"Kurokocchi is my coach! Me spend quality time together~! Sometimes, he even lets me touch his hands while he teaches me how to pass," Kise seemed to be glowing with happiness as he stuck his tongue out and made a piece sign with his hands. He was brushed off by the others after they've considered him as completely delusional.

"Tetsu and me are this-" he entwined his two fingers "-close. We're practically lovers! We even have this special fist bump," he said with a confident smirk. He earned a smack on the back of his head from the miracle shooter. No one had a say at this, for it was a painfully undeniable truth.

"Dark, Die, Daiki, Dispose. Strangely, these words start with the same letters," Akashi said, snipping his scissors. "Besides, I had Tetsuya's first kiss," the captain smirked mightily, replaying the scene in his head. That "accident" during their last Christmas party is to be cherished forever.

And the feud led to disaster.

Nothing was settled and everything was in disarray between the Generation of Miracles. They clashed in every aspect and got nothing in common. One thing was for sure though, although not verbally established it was clear that... They were all gay for Kuroko.

* * *

 

After GoM left, the ever industrial janitor arrived, a bucket at hand.

"What the..." the janitor muttered in disbelief. Not because the area was trashed, he was immune to that after all, what scared him were the few things that he found quite...peculiar.

He stared at the small smudge of blood on one of the dented walls, he also stepped on a pair of discarded scissors, he also heard a lot of panting and screaming earlier (probably the Kise and Aomine's fighting) and he didn't even want to know that white stuff on the floor was (Murasakibara sneezed from afar).

"Geez..What's with kids these days..."

**Author's Note:**

> Did you laugh?


End file.
